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Sane

Running from this world

Trying not to scream so loud

Can you hear the sirens

Are they calling for you now?

Wish I could Take it all back I would

Forgive myself honey if only I could

Every day I’m rotting

From the inside out

I can’t let it break me

Have I let it break me?

Writing down the words

Just to never sing them out

How could I expect

Understanding from a crowd

Strangers sitting in their strange clothes

I wish that I was somewhere else alone

But when I’m there it’s torture

my mind is breaking me down

But

I can’t let it break me

Have I let it break me?

Get me out of my brain

I need to feel sane again

---

English Bones (2017)

Weathered

I was afraid.

Afraid of the storm.

Afraid of the tumble, and the fall, and the weight of the world; the world on my own.
The world when you left me, upset & distressed we decided to go.

‘I will be your shelter in the night, and your sunlight in the morning’,

but what about this constant sense of emptiness inside my chest?

and God, why am I thinking of only you?

I swear you’re the same as you were all those years ago; just a little more plain.

Just a little more weathered, but you’re a little bit better, you say.
Just a little more weathered, but you swear that you’re better these days.

‘I will be your shelter in the night, and your sunlight in the morning’, but what about this constant sense of loneliness inside my head & why are all my friends warning me?

What about the little scars & broken parts; the hurricanes & tidal waves? What about the little things that no-one knew; the polaroids & the stick & poke tattoos, and how I only think of you?

Next To Me

The cold wind blows, and I already know that I’m gonna leave you.
You pour the champagne, you take off your clothes but I’m gonna leave you, I know

Even though we fight and try to make things right, I can’t heal the harm

Your temper’s like a hurricane and all your blame’s tucked inside your heart

I’m figuring we can’t begin to fix these things; it’s such a shame but it seems that I feel all alone even though you’re sleeping next to me

The dawn is coming, and in the cold light I knew

I don’t think I love you like I used to
Wanna start the fire, but you can’t find the fuse

things are going nowhere, I know

It’s hard for me to do it but I know
we’re trying but but the truth is
We should know that
Trying to make love last while living in the past

Ain’t gonna work for me, we can’t just start again.

Landslide

“Dream on man”, that’s what you told me when I said I loved you in that park inside the city.

You said, “I don’t mind if we take our time but you know I’m not one to take chances.”

So I wrapped it up & set it down again, and I said,

‘I can’t help it; it’s the way that I’ve been feeling’.

So I stood by your side with my hands in my pockets, wishing I’d never said anything at all.

But it’s alright. It’s okay.
When the cold wind blows you know you’re gonna weather it away

I guess in time, it’ll work out fine.
I just hope you’re waiting for me when I cross the finish line.

I spend most evenings here pretending,

that you’ll hear the little hints I drop in conversation

and I pray some nights that they don’t put you off me; each and every good time happens over coffee with you

But I’m near exhausted from this running, and in the distance I see the ending line approaching so I

shut my eyes, clutch my alibis, while I hope you’re there waiting in the distance

The critics are calling it a landslide; a standing ovation for first time in a long time
When I closed my eyes and your lips met mine and we talked about trading this future for our past.

Lullaby

It’s getting close to 6:05, I’m staring at the dawn’s clean light.

While you're peaceful in dreams, I come apart at the seams

Hoping that they saves your life

Your heart is a centrifuge; rhythm raining down on you

Don’t be so alarmed, they mean you no harm,
Just do what they’re telling you

Sometimes in the setting sun, it’ll feel like it’s all gone wrong

All you’ll see in my ghost, feel the lump in your throat;
a temple of siren’s song

It sounds like a lullaby, hear the whispers when you close your eyes

Don’t fall for its call, but don’t feel guilty at all
if all you do is wait up at night

Am I the ghost in your picture frame, or the mark on your camera lens?

What truly is better, that I’m with you forever
or that I’m in a peaceful place?

Sometimes in the setting sun, it’ll feel like it’s all gone wrong

When you look in the mirror, there’s nothing but fear

No-one to rely upon

That’s when you’ll find me.

2009

It was city streets & symmetry
I think you knew that I should leave;
Heard you talking in your sleep
So cut your losses & you’re free

I know it’s wrong to admit but I never deserved this
So break your neck to pull me in;
Break your back to feel at home

In that moment, I realised
2009 was the best year of my life
And I can’t watch movies shot in black & white
Because I know all the actresses have died

It’s a battle between my head and everything
That’s in front of me
So tell me do you remember
The nights spent in my bedroom?
We listened to The Smiths
And you said I love you too

You break your neck to pull me closer; I start again a different person

In that moment, I realised
that 8 long years ago was the last good year of my life
And I can’t watch movies shot in black & white
Because I know all the actresses have died
And I'd wanna join them

Casanovas

Grass-stained jeans, ruby necklace
On my TV screen, or in my papers
I had never seen something like you

Every breath you drew
Filled my magazines and all the
Folk you knew said from limousines
That soon you would be...

On top of the world

Sequin skirt, dressed to masquerade in
Matched your silver shirt
Used to hide your delicate frame

And all the crooning caws crowed by casanovas
Kept your worried thoughts
Soft and gently hidden away

You were on top of the world
On top of the world
But how I knew it wasn’t true

I watched you every night, filmed by passers by
To your private drive
Living in the heights alone so alone
And how at 10PM you’d fill your favourite glass
Through my camera lens I watched you weep
Again and again

I knew I could make it right
If only you could see the signs
I see you each and every night
But you don't see me
cause you're on top of the world

Waiting

Caught inside a snowstorm, tucked behind my collar
I know, I know
You say your love is back home, so tease a little I’ll go
You know, you know
It’s a symphony of sorrow, misery & cum

Inside this dark mind, I am so hopeful
But this silence is violence; cut me open
And you can look into my soul like a porthole
But you’ll burn me up & spit me out

I’m caught inside this rat race; pressing up on my frame
Hear me! Can you hear me?
You’re caught inside my pleura darling;
My pleasure and my harming

And inside this dark mind, I am so hopeful
But this silence is violence, you cut me open
And you can glide into my soul like an angel up
And off the walls at an angle

I am waiting
I am waiting for the ground to swallow me down

Casualty

The indignation; the revelation that all this time
Was for you to sweep me aside
Anticipation for centre stage and receiving this instead

Casualty, carry me; make me one with the city streets
For in my dreams I’m the evergreens;
The scent that leaks through your window
Makes you stand to attention

I will drown
I will drown in your eyes, if you let me
For I have found, that on this ground that I lie
You’re the scenery, gently entering my body

Retaliation, you tell your tales and
No resonation will stab me in the side
Your motivation, your only motivation
Is seeing the sight of my wounded pride

Casualty, that is me - one with indignity
But in my dreams, I’m the evergreens;
The scent that leaks through your window
Makes you stand to attention

I will drown
I will drown in your eyes if you let me

Kreuzberg

I still see you by the willows out in Leipzig
I still feel you everywhere
I sensed your cold in cattle-market Kreuzberg
In the way that people stop & stare

At my English bones
Do I look far from home?
Or not quite far enough?
Who have I become?